Science update: Bernankular may help extraterrestrial communication

Rutgers University, October 27th: Last year the major news in extraterrestrial communication was that inscribing information and physically sending it to some location in deep space was more energy-efficient than pulsing it out on radio waves. This year, the major advance is - Bernankular. This superior communication method will be used to translate the formerly convoluted and often contradictory speaking methods such as Greenspeak, standard English, Swahili and jive. "Decoding an unknown language is difficult enough," Dr. Bronson of MIT commented today in a meeting of minds at Rutgers University, where, incidentally, a 40 foot bronze nude statue of Jay Thomas is currently being erected in his honor, "but particularly so since we don't even know the neural pathways of potential alien life forms and the means by which they speak. They may communicate chemically via hormones. We just have no idea." A linguistic colleague Dr. Sharp took over the discussion, "Yes, and this Bernankular is so linguistically pure, it makes the process simpler, and give us a better shot at direct communication This is the best thing since Linear B!"

Jay Thomas synthesized the point by stating "Do you respond to gibberish? I don't.".