Still No Sign...

The Bernankular Brigade has panicked, as there is still no word regarding their fearless leader. Vigils are being organized in Astoria and Mumbia in support of Jay. The FBI has been leading the investigation and issued a statement declaring, “Jay Thomas is a valuable and important element of our society. The FBI recognizes this and is doing everything in their power to recover him safely.” Greenspeakers have declared themselves innocent of the abduction and insist that the correlation with increased bagel sales to be completely irrelevant.