Greenspeak Stalls Peace Talks

Diplomatic negotiations broke down today on Roosevelt Island when the leaders of the Pro-Greenspeak movement and Jay Thomas, founding father and revolutionary icon of the Bernankular movement, met during half-time of Mr. Thomas’s rugby play-offs. The notably tweed wearing leader of the Greenspeak movement, Mr. Thor Well, opened the floor with a convoluted oration full of mixed metaphors, contradictions, and non-definitive run-on sentences, and that was just the prologue. In stark contrast, the athletic and charismatic Mr. Thomas was busy greeting a crowd of fans who had come out to cheer until he suddenly took control of the scene. “Let’s make this short and sweet – Bernankular good. Greenspeak bad. Stop stealing my keys and stay away from the rug and my woman.” The crowd went wild chanting, “Jay Thomas Rocks! Jay Thomas Rocks!”

Further negations were halted as rugby play commenced. Several Greenspeak supporters were injured and required hospitalized as they took too long with their farewells on the field and were mowed over by the massive men commencing rugby play.