Jay Thomas Found Alive... Incoherence Calls Movement Into Question

Bernankular supporters breathed a collective sign of relief today as word spread that Jay Thomas has been found alive. Jay was found this morning, wandering down the median of the New Jersey Turnpike near exit 7. He was picked up by an Entenmann's dessert delivery man making his morning rounds. The driver commented that Mr. Thomas condition was worrisome, "Jay seemed totally out of it. His Lacoste shirt was ripped and he kept muttering to himself incoherently, I couldn't understand a thing."

Bernankular followers are worried that Mr. Thomas has lost his ability to communicate clearly. Mr. Thomas will start remedial speech therapy immediately. Doctors are unsure if the cause of his communication problems are due to head trauma suffered during the abduction or a more worrisome form of Greenspeak brainwashing. The chief communication specialist stated that "If Mr. Thomas has indeed been brainwashed by his captors, it may take months of intensive therapy for him to recover his natural speech abilities. Even worse he may suffer from a form of Stockholm Syndrome, where he believes that his captors way of speech is the correct way of speech, in essence he may now be Greenspeak's biggest supporter. Only time will tell."