Jay Thomas Seeks Solace in Tibet

After his harrowing abduction, Jay Thomas has decided to take a hiatus from the cause and find relief. He plans on doing 12 hours of tantric yoga a day, meditating heavily, eating only raw vegetables and cleansing himself from the poisonous toxins that have infested his mind. “My thoughts . . . so scrambled . . . Greenspeak . . . can’t . . . think.”

Companions and freedom fighters Matt Damon and Ben Affleck will be on hand to support him through this journey, “We know how fame can mess with your mind and I need to work on my tan so, hey, Tibet seems like fun. Is that where Leo went to film The Beach?” said Ben.

A flight attendant who served Mr. Thomas on route this morning told reporters, “I hope he finds his way, he really seems lost. I kept telling him, dude, you’re going to Bangcock – that’s in Thailand not Tibet and he just kept babbling about the road to enlightenment having pit stops and high fiving Ben and Matt.”

Neither Mr. Bernanke or Moli have commented.